Today we had a pool playdate with a friend from D's preschool class. We went to his pool because his mom has 3 kids - the oldest being 4 - and logistically it was easier. For the love of all things holy, I don't know how she does it. I can barely manage getting ready for the pool and keeping my one child from drowning, much less two preschoolers and a baby. Schnikeys. Anyhow, I decided to wear my most conservative looking swimsuit because I'd never been to this pool before, and didn't want to offend anyone or feel out of place in a bikini. Seriously. I know that sounds weird, but it's just one of those anomalies of motherhood. Not 5 minutes after we got into the pool did I have a swimsuit malfunction. The strap on my top broke - the actual plastic piece that hooks into the fabric on the back - and suddenly my conservative swimsuit was far from conservative. Thank goodness we were the only ones in the pool at the time! The other mom had to hand me her baby and tie a double knot in my swimsuit to keep it up. It was like wearing a corset. I could barely breathe. When I finally took it off after we got home, I had deep red lines around my back and chest where the elastic was searing into my skin. Fun times.
On the way home from the pool, D told me he had water in his ears and asked if he could use toothpicks to get it out. Sure kid, whatever works. But you might wanna try Q-Tips first.
Why the heck did I tell D earlier today that he can NOT, under any circumstances, take a nap today? Well, I told him because I need to get him to bed insanely early tonight since we are waking up before the crack of dawn to run a race in the morning. But now it's 3pm and I can barely hold my eyes open - where are those toothpicks? - and I'm regretting the no-nap mandate. Because Mama needs one. Bad.
Friday, May 31, 2013
The ABCs of a Tantrum
I am starting this blog, selfishly, as a creative outlet for myself. Because lord knows I will need a LOT of outlets this Summer while the 4 year old (we'll refer to him as "D") is out of school. My hope is that it will give other parents some satisfaction in knowing that their kids are not the only ones causing them to pull out their hair, and perhaps provide a little comic relief in the form of "ha ha, suckers, so glad we don't have kids" to my friends without little humans. So here goes.
Yesterday, technically one week after the last day of school (which D missed, unfortunately, as the result of a nasty virus), we met our friends J, V and BJ at the library to see a magic show. Now traditionally, magicians kinda creep me out. David Copperfield? David Blaine? Criss Angel?? I'm convinced they're going to come to my house one night while I'm sleeping, magically find their way in and perform the "slice a person in half" trick on me, though they will ACTUALLY slice me in half. Cree-py! Fortunately this magician was completely the opposite. No creep factor whatsoever; he was freakin' hysterical. I laughed out loud through the entire performance, and D even volunteered to participate in helping him with a magic trick. I was quite proud of the boy. Shyness doesn't run in my side of the family, that's for sure!
D was incredibly well behaved and patient during the performance, but afterwards, like mere MINUTES after it was over, he went totally insane. It was as though he'd reverted back to 2 years old. Screaming, crying, arm flailing - IN THE LIBRARY. For no reason. I gave him not one but TWO chances to calm down so we could stay (aren't I generous?!), otherwise I warned him we'd have to leave. No dice. I had to physically pull him out of the library by his arm and wrangle him into the car. Kid weighs like 38lbs now so that's no easy task.
The screaming didn't stop once we got in the car, or on the road, or on the highway. Not to mention we were almost 50 miles from home. Yes, FIFTY MILES! Every now and then the screams would stop for a brief second and when I looked in the rearview mirror, I saw a big yawn. Aha. Kid was worn freakin' out! I tried to coax him to close his eyes and go to sleep, but he wouldn't do it. Finally, and I have NO idea where this came from, I said "Do you want me to sing you a bedtime song?" "Yes!" he said. I hadn't thought this through because I really have no arsenal of bedtime songs. Haven't sung to him since he was an infant. And even then, I sang Pink Floyd and Collective Soul to him. I know, I know...mother of the year.
The only thing I could muster was a silly song that my husband made up for him. I started singing it, and he interrupted me immediately with "No, that's a Daddy song!!!" Fine. Let's try this again. The next thing that came out of my mouth was "Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!" I kid you not. Child once again interrupts me and screams "No no no! That's a Christmas song!" Third time's the charm, right? I opened my mouth and "Ring Around the Rosie" pops out. Crap. "Nooooo! That's a play song! Mama, what we need is the ABC song!" But OF COURSE! How silly of me to forget the quintessential bedtime song that is sure to lull a sleepy baby (or preschooler) into a sweet slumber - the ABC song!!! Can you detect a hint of sarcasm here?
So, now desperate and sweating and trying my best to remember to breathe, I calmly ask him to close his eyes and I bust out into the most quiet, peaceful version of the ABCs that I can muster. Well whaddya know, he was counting sheep before "Next time won't you sing with me." Dang kid.
Yesterday, technically one week after the last day of school (which D missed, unfortunately, as the result of a nasty virus), we met our friends J, V and BJ at the library to see a magic show. Now traditionally, magicians kinda creep me out. David Copperfield? David Blaine? Criss Angel?? I'm convinced they're going to come to my house one night while I'm sleeping, magically find their way in and perform the "slice a person in half" trick on me, though they will ACTUALLY slice me in half. Cree-py! Fortunately this magician was completely the opposite. No creep factor whatsoever; he was freakin' hysterical. I laughed out loud through the entire performance, and D even volunteered to participate in helping him with a magic trick. I was quite proud of the boy. Shyness doesn't run in my side of the family, that's for sure!
D was incredibly well behaved and patient during the performance, but afterwards, like mere MINUTES after it was over, he went totally insane. It was as though he'd reverted back to 2 years old. Screaming, crying, arm flailing - IN THE LIBRARY. For no reason. I gave him not one but TWO chances to calm down so we could stay (aren't I generous?!), otherwise I warned him we'd have to leave. No dice. I had to physically pull him out of the library by his arm and wrangle him into the car. Kid weighs like 38lbs now so that's no easy task.
The screaming didn't stop once we got in the car, or on the road, or on the highway. Not to mention we were almost 50 miles from home. Yes, FIFTY MILES! Every now and then the screams would stop for a brief second and when I looked in the rearview mirror, I saw a big yawn. Aha. Kid was worn freakin' out! I tried to coax him to close his eyes and go to sleep, but he wouldn't do it. Finally, and I have NO idea where this came from, I said "Do you want me to sing you a bedtime song?" "Yes!" he said. I hadn't thought this through because I really have no arsenal of bedtime songs. Haven't sung to him since he was an infant. And even then, I sang Pink Floyd and Collective Soul to him. I know, I know...mother of the year.
The only thing I could muster was a silly song that my husband made up for him. I started singing it, and he interrupted me immediately with "No, that's a Daddy song!!!" Fine. Let's try this again. The next thing that came out of my mouth was "Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!" I kid you not. Child once again interrupts me and screams "No no no! That's a Christmas song!" Third time's the charm, right? I opened my mouth and "Ring Around the Rosie" pops out. Crap. "Nooooo! That's a play song! Mama, what we need is the ABC song!" But OF COURSE! How silly of me to forget the quintessential bedtime song that is sure to lull a sleepy baby (or preschooler) into a sweet slumber - the ABC song!!! Can you detect a hint of sarcasm here?
So, now desperate and sweating and trying my best to remember to breathe, I calmly ask him to close his eyes and I bust out into the most quiet, peaceful version of the ABCs that I can muster. Well whaddya know, he was counting sheep before "Next time won't you sing with me." Dang kid.
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